Breakdown

I feel:

As though I want to break down.

Unhinge.

Cry in this warm night.

I feel like I want to smother

Every little piece of what was.

I feel I can let go.

And I feel like I want.

And I need.

And I don’t know.

Terrified to release

but it’s scarier to hold on.

So.I wish I could breakdown.

Let out everything inside.

the words sit on the tip of my tongue

the ones that run inside me

every time I want to let them out.

Expel them.

I’m suffocated

by every gush that

comes back in…

and I feel less alive in every piece

of what I used to be.

And I know

I’ve done this so many times before

And I know

I can birth and create.

I know what lies in me.

I know the substance

And the love that I muster

in every suffocation of my soul.

Just as I know this part is amiss.

the end of the slope

and the last part of ego

cries of terror that are not mine,

but his.

So I will breakdown.

Unhinge.

Release.

I will create from inside my words,

putting judgements aside

and color the lines that constrict.

and with the end of a smile

I come undone. Release.

And Forgive.

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