If you’re not happy with yourself, you’ll never be happy with someone else.
Happiness is a choice you have to make with yourself. Before all else. We have so many expectations. Our relationships, from the simplest to the most complex, are burdened by a set of expectations that clouds and conditions the way we understand the people around us. In fact, it puts a filter on the way we perceive life altogether.
Thing is, when you first get to know a person, you’re most in tune with their true nature. Slowly, you start laying a foundation of expectations over that person. They should be this, they should be that…they should do this, react like that..until we totally lose sight of that person, until you have covered that person with an identity solely created by your mind. Then, that person is not enough anymore. You keep asking yourself what happened. You get confused. You have a little drama over it. Haha, it happens to all of us, no need to fret. 🙂
Personally, I’ve educated myself to be true to who I am..it was a long journey and not an easy one. However ,it’s spared me a lot of heartache along the way.
I don’t plan how things should turn out or expect people to be a certain way. This allows me to fully appreciate their presence in my life, to see them…and no, this doesn’t mean things are perfect or relationships go on forever, it just means I don’t carry the frustration of my unfulfilled expectations into my present. It means I accept whatever happens and I always do what is best for my internal state to remain peaceful. I don’t blame myself for anything, or put anyone’s opinion of me to my heart. I allow those around me freedom, even if I don’t condone their actions/opinions. I allow myself the freedom to choose those that resonate with my internal peace instead of trying to prove myself to anyone, or to please anyone in order to feel needed.
And…just because people are no longer right for my journey,it doesn’t mean I think negatively about them. At the end of the day, while they were in my life, they made it quite wonderful.
It’s also a common mistake within relationships…to forget that while you carry your set of expectations, your friends, your partner, your family, do the same. They carry their own conditioning. That’s why you’ll realise that expectations are silly. Take the common expectation of thinking someone else should complete you. You are already complete.
It’s good to observe your expectations. The more you are aware, the more you see through them. The more you see through them, the more you let them go. It’s a domino effect, and it happens naturally, effortlessly. When you take your expectations seriously, you forget there’s two sides of the coin, and they always come together. No one was put on this earth to complete,entertain, make you happy. They have themselves to do that for. 🙂 So you take care of yourself, the world will take care of itself.
There’s nothing missing from you, there’s nothing the outside world can bring to make you better. Fulfillment comes from the inside.
The moment you start looking at life from that space, from inside out, everything changes although nothing is different in your life. Yes, you don’t need anyone. However, it’s pretty great to love people, to see them for what they are, instead of criticising them at the back of your mind for not meeting your expectations. It’s also amazing to share. Say what you will, people in their essence are beautiful and capable of amazing things. Most often, once you get past egos, expectations, once you strip arrogance and the bluffs that people try to put on as a constant show, because they’re too afraid they’re not enough as they are, you get to experience the exquisite pleasure of their truth, and most definitely, your own.
You won’t settle for a relationship just because you are afraid to be alone, neither will you permit for someone to mistreat you. And, you’ll do that because you need to take care of number one…the person most important in your life. You. 🙂 Can’t tell me that’s not amazing.
I love people. So, much love all. Stay blessed.