The Bad Date Series – Tinder Specific

Date #12

I was so overwhelmed with grief that it was physically painful and this was, undoubtedly, a heartbreaking moment that I will not soon forget. It was… the first time I disliked a Finnish person.

Pretty sure it started when he told me that he is from Finland but he’s more Swedish per se.( direct quote)

He might have made it worse by telling me he is here on a blind date with an Estonian girl with whom he is sharing a hotel room.Luvley, I thought to myself.

Let’s recap:

1. Blind date. So, he had never met this girl before.

2. Checked in the same hotel room with her.

3. He didn’t really like his blind date. Shocking, who could have foreseen this?

4. His Estonian date emptied the mini-bar. Sounded promising.

5. Then she passed out on the bed. Even more promising.

6. He was concerned. Not so promising.

7. The Swedish-wannabe Finn was so concerned that he invited me out on a date. Thank you Tinder for the UN-MATCH feature.

Date #13

He had all his own teeth and a full head of hair. Was from New York. All his sentences started with: ” I know I’m not special but…” or “It doesn’t matter that I’m from NY but…”. I found him to be very humble.

We talked. Walked. Something quite demanding for me as I find it difficult to do two things at any one time.

First warning sign was when he literally lifted me off the ground then placed me down on his right side. At his 6 ft 6 and 270 pound frame I felt like a mantle piece being moved in its rightful place. However, I was pretty busy trying to walk & talk at the same time.

Second warning sign was when he loudly demanded in a crowded restaurant to be seated away from people, mentioning casually he hates them. At this point, I felt something was wrong, but something shiny had caught my attention and I was soon distracted.

Evening went on without anymore glitches. I had laid my doubts to rest. I got home. He had sent me a text asking if I was ok.

Already in love, I reciprocated by asking if he was ok.

He launched into an entire speech about how rude I was to have ordered our cab to drop him off then drop me off. I thought, what a gentleman, he wanted to drop me off first. “You should have spent the night over, but whatever.” Confused and a little shocked( which is quite a normal reaction in my case for nearly everything) my insecure, caring and soft side took over and I un-matched him.

Date #14

He was tall, handsome, a multi-millionaire. Direct descendant of the queen(UK not an NY trans) and living in LA next door to Sharon Stone. He was incredible. He was a pathological liar and not a very good one.

Hence, I was compelled to date him. Mandatory!

We went to a steak house. He spent half an hour picking the wine and managed to pick the most expensive bad wine on the entire menu. Ah, finally, a connoisseur!

He babbled the whole evening something about investments, coal, millions of dollars, euro and other currencies, including all his famous friends, magazines he appeared in and a lot of information on what a great guy he is. I agreed. He definitely taught me to look way past a person’s words and deep into my salad. Ah yes, I ordered a salad, then proceeded to eat his steak for the whole night.

I agreed with the wine then complained it makes me dizzy. He drank the whole bottle by himself. Babbled more about what he owns, where he buys what from. I kept mostly silent but would ask the occasional question looking deeply into his eyes: “Do you think green makes people evil?”

His sharp wit would surely grasp one word out of my question and come back with an answer that was about him, his money or his life. More talk, more wine for him. At one point he was a direct descendant of Sharon Stone and living next to the Queen.

I told him he’s very special, he told me he knows. Ah, I’m definitely seeing him again.

Conclusion: Although I have been un-matching like crazy, I am the proud owner of 20+ males on my Class I list. A mailshot will be sent to the lucky gentlemen.

 

 

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Being Blessed

You see, I have cultured a belief inside myself, that no matter what happens, things will be okay. You may call it a prayer, a mantra, a motto…it doesn’t really matter what label you apply to it.

Whenever my life takes a turn for the negative, I always watch from outside myself how things unwind. I don’t judge, label or try to change anything. I know that when action is required, it will come naturally. This is one of the reasons I feel safe all the time. This is why I never feel alone. This is why I find a pleasure in smiling at strangers.

My life has never steered me wrong. When things need to change, they do and they change fast. I never regret anything and I take time to give gratitude for everything I’ve learnt, for everything I’ve experienced. Our journeys are so much bigger than us and our stories. People are used to labeling negative experiences as a waste of time. I don’t believe anything is a waste of time. I believe in being grateful for the experience that has brought me where I am today.

I can feel when I am not making the right decisions, because things seem difficult and there is an uneasiness to my internal watch. I’ve learnt to listen to it. To appreciate it.

I honestly feel blessed. I feel like a child that has been spoiled for no accomplishment of her own, spoiled just for the fact that she exists.

I’m tempted to compare my past with my present, but I know that’s just my mind talking. My life has only gotten better and I have no real hand in it. I feel blessed because I feel as if my space is clean. There’s honesty, love, respect and kindness in my space. There’s gratitude and appreciation. There’s transparence and communication.

Which is why this post is a Thank You. An inner prayer of appreciation for everything that has happened and for everything that keeps falling into place.

Stay blessed all, stay blessed,

Rox

Done

And I’ve been here before. The feeling is welcoming and familiar.

I’m done.

I’m not here to demonstrate anything. I’m not trying to prove you right or wrong, to make you happy or sad. It’s just what I am. And I am done. Thank you.

I do not depend on people. They are free to come and go as they should. I’ve learnt this in my life…people are meant to go away. People are meant to walk away. There is no regret or loss, it just is. And…it’s always in my best interest. My experiences have always improved because of the grace gathered from the experience of previous characters.

And I just don’t care anymore. I just don’t. There is no why or how, there is no explanation necessary or what ifs.

Nothing. I’m good. Thank you.

 

The end.

When loving the wrong person is right

A toxic relationship is something we all try to avoid. What we don’t see: the good a wrong person can do, along with all the things you learn to appreciate because you are put in these circumstances.
Some of us repeat the wrong person scenario because we get hooked on the incredible highs and the devastating lows, and we never reach the step to desire anything else. This is all fine, of course.

I know I’m good at learning my different lessons. I never repeat the same mistake( don’t focus on the meaning of the words, but rather on the essence) yet I manage to concoct new ones altogether.

This is a post of gratitude for the wrong in our lives,  because it makes us set things right. For me, it’s a very explicit and self-explanatory experience, my past is clear in leading me to the woman I am today, a woman I am very grateful for.

I am also grateful for the circumstances I was able to create after learning the lessons my past has faced me with. I know a couple of things for sure and they are guidelines in my life: love people, take nothing personal and accept the unexpected.

Thing is, in love, whomever you love, is always right. It may not be RIGHT HOW YOU want/expect it, but be very sure it is exactly the experience you need to better your life. And don’t forget to be appreciative. Love, in all its forms, is something amazing.

In the long run, it’s always right. Still, never forget the person it’s always right to love: yourself.

Once you let go of the expectation of someone turning your life around, making it better or completing it, you will have the time of your life. I promise. Tested, approved and certified.

Much love all.

Truth is…THIS… is me. I don’t need a lot to be happy. I am a simple woman.

I don’t apologize for it. I am fully aware of what I can do. I am fully aware of my options and all the things I can bring to me/my life.

But this is me. This is enough. I am happy. I am grateful for all that I am, and for the ones that surround me.

I am respectful of my present and thankful for my past. I don’t believe in speaking every thought that comes to mind. In fact, I don’t believe in speaking. More often than not, we are just telling useless stories with an invented pathological dramatic background. It’s unnecessary.

I believe in letting go. I believe in appreciating yourself as a mirror to appreciating the world. I believe there are no limits to what I can do, yet my present is enough.

I believe in staying open to opportunity, but not on planning on it. I believe in loving, without limits or boundaries, I believe in a respect that comes firstly from the one you have of yourself, I believe in space and I believe in miracles.

I also believe that miracles are ordinary things in extraordinary circumstances.

I believe in people. I believe in their capacity for good, for love and appreciation. I believe in choice.  I believe in families.

I believe in men, as pillars for their families. Silent, respectful and strong.

I believe in women. In their wisdom, love and strength.

I believe in life.

I believe in me.

 

Much love, light and blessings,

xxx