I’m sorry

I am sorry. I am not.

There is no time for apologies and second guesses. There is no room for doubt or hanging on. There is no time for disappointment so deep it physically hurts.

There is no room for judgement, when we can only impart a broken knowledge over shatters of some stories, over the pieces of egos filtered by our own regrets.There is so much that you can’t even glimpse within yourselves. So much it’s blinding, astounding, deafening.

There is no yesterday and no tomorrow, no ceasing hour of the night or faltering suns to come our way. There is a simplicity destroying expectations, allowing of a flowing state of being.

A natural state of joy, living in peace over the incessant humming of our minds. We are surrounded. There is no fall that unity won’t break. There is nothing to lose, to change, to run after. Nowhere to go, nothing to do. You are.

And you are in spite of everything your mind tells you, in spite of every fear, regret or worry, in spite of what is happening, in spite of how you feel or how much you choose to hurt. In spite of your overwhelming disappointment.

You are. Your being does not depend on anything outside yourself or any creation that your mind concocts.

Attachments. Lost in trying to control. Control outcomes. Control time. Control the world. Control ourselves. Attached. Feelings, needs, wants, desires. All lies. A never-ending struggle of our egos to prove that we are.

Truth is, there is no need for proof, we already are. In spite of all our efforts.

“You do belong”  as Jonathan Olinger would say. You do belong. 


How do you let go trying to help?

I’m a strong individual. Even if I do say so myself.

I rarely take things personally, and even on the rare occasions that I do, I do my best to let it go. I believe the more grudges we hold onto, the more we are weighed down and the harder it is to move through life as we are destined to.

I make my life simple: do my best, love people, take nothing personally and let go of expectations.

Whatever happens to me, I am able to deal with very well. I don’t blame myself, I don’t label myself a victim, I don’t dwell over what I believe is negative/unfair etc. I find a way.

I can’t do the same for those I love. I am over protective, controlling, possessive and impulsive.

And I feel so helpless, the opposite of what I feel in my life. I know I am the only one that can choose how to feel about my life. I may not be able to choose what happens, but I am able to choose how I feel about it.

How do you allow others the same freedom you allow yourself, when you see them hurting themselves?

How do you cope with it? How do you not worry? How do you let go the need to fix them? To help them? To wish that you could make the right choice for them, the one that would make their life so much better? Why do you see how simple that choice could be, but to them it’s the hardest thing in the world?

How do you stop trying to protect them, when it’s all in their hands? How do you accept their choices, when you see those choices are hurting them..?!

I am a believer in unconditional support. You should support loved ones in spite of their choices. When does support become destructive? How much do we really influence?

How responsible are we for one another?

And instead of calming down and letting go, I just bounce from question to question… Hell, this must be Karma for everything I’ve put my mom through.

I’ll let the questions go. But just for now.

Much Love, Peace & Light